Not Enough Tight Ends For Me

Okay, I admit it. I am a shallow shallow girl. I like to look at pretty athletes. If we'd started writing this before the World Cup, I would have nothing but drool over hot soccer players. My favorite athlete in the Winter Olympics this year was Aksel Svindal, because frankly, he's swoon-tastic. So I was intrigued by this website that promised me NFL eye candy, and implied that there would be "tight ends". After flipping through the slideshow, I was both amused and disappointed. There were no full body shots (so no "tight ends", although there was one surprisingly lovely tight end, Cleveland's Alex Smith), and the list was missing several known-to-be-gorgeous commodities like Ray Lewis and Drew Brees. There is an upside, though. I now know that Joe Theismann was a total fox back in the day, so that's something. I guess I'll have to keep trolling the internet for more girl-geared slideshows of NFL hotties. If I find any, I'll be sure to let you know.

Pre-season Premonitions

Rumor is that you can't tell anything from the pre-season, that it's meaningless. That is largely true. Over the past three seasons the Detroit Lions have won significantly more pre-season games than games that mattered. That being said, some things I've noticed watching the third slate of games this past week.

The Carolina Panthers are not just terrible, they're boring. They found the end zone for the first time in the fourth quarter of the third pre-season game... on a kick return. The offense still has no idea what it feels like to cross the goal line. Their troubles stem from the fact that they don't seem to have a quarterback capable of completing a pass to a receiver. Granted, this is a significant improvement over last season when they had a quarterback intent of completing passes to opposing defensive backs. But, for an offense that insists on running every first and second down, inevitably leaving them stuck in third-and-long, failure to complete passes results in a very long afternoon for the defense, and a very lonely single digit up on the scoreboard. Results of the first 12 Carolina drives vs. Tennessee: 9 punts, 3 field goals. If they extend this ineptitude into the season they could easily challenge Tampa for last place in the division.

The Lions could easily finish the season ahead of the Bears. That says more about the Bears than it does about the Lions.

If your quarterbacks' names are Matt Leinart and Derek Anderson, do you even have a quarterback?

Fortunately for the Chargers, Ryan Matthews looks like a younger version of LaDanian Tomlinson.

Fortunately for the Jets, LaDanian Tomlinson looks like a younger version of LaDanian Tomlinson. Unfortunately, Mark Sanchez isn't looking anything like Joe Namath.

If the Green Bay Packers could figure out how to stop opposing teams from putting up 30 points against them every game, they could rival the 2007 Patriots in both victories and points scored. They haven't shown any ability to run the football, but it doesn't seem to matter. Aaron Rodgers can neither be stopped, nor contained. He's getting rid of the ball quicker, and not being crushed by defensive linemen, and the results have been impressive.

The Cowboys, on the other hand, have looked a lot like the Redskins, with Tony Romo doing his best Jason Campbell impression. The Dallas offense has been underwhelming, finishing too many games in the single digits. I suspect this is happening only because Romo captains my fantasy football team this year.

I don't know what to make of the Cincinnati Bengals. In the third pre-season game, Carson Palmer threw for 95 yards and 2 touchdowns. What NFL-caliber quarterback throws for only 95-yards over three quarters? Baltimore is now the class of that division, and both Cincinnati and Pittsburgh are going to have a difficult time keeping pace.

It is incredibly difficult to repeat as champion in the National Football League. But if the pre-season were the playoffs, the Saints would be returning to the Super Bowl. The defense is still porous, but, like last season, the secondary is creating turnovers, and unlike last season, the defensive front is getting to the quarterback. A lesser signal caller than Philip Rivers would have been sacked about a dozen times during that game. Brees is as sharp as ever, and his receivers look bigger, stronger and faster than they were last year. Reggie Bush seems to have discovered that the shortest way to the end zone is running right up the middle, and Pierre Thomas and some dude named Chris Ivory are raising specters of one Deuce McAllister in his prime. Barring significant injury, I think we'll see another NFC title game played in the Big Easy.

I'm feeling a draft

We hear this every year on draft day (usually from people under fire for their choices): You can't judge a draft/draft pick until three to five years after the fact.

This is generally true but there are exceptions. Cutting a high draft pick for non-injury reasons (yes, I'm talking about production/performance, legal, and/or naughtiness issues) is a damning verdict, as is having Al Davis making selections.

What amazes me is for all the hours of programming available on the NFL Network, NBA Network, ESPNs 1-3 plus Classic and U is that there is never a program that goes back and analyzes prior drafts. Perfect lead-in to the week prior to draft week - imagine the "where are they now" features on Harold Miner and Todd Marinovich.

Some ground rules:

1: Each draft pick is unique, but the draft will be judged as a whole. Extra kudos for finding Michael Redd in the second round, but it doesn't make up for a Darko Milicic-type pick in round 1. Same way for the NFL, except with emphasis on the first three rounds.

2: Leniency will be given for a crappy talent pool (see also 5 and 6). Teams have to take someone.

3: Conversely, whiffing in a loaded draft will be treated harshly

4: Harsher criticism will be leveled for trading up to draft a mediocre player.

5: The five-and ten-slot rule is in effect: If the following five picks (NBA) or ten (NFL) didn't pan out, some (but not a lot) of leniency will be granted. What do Todd Day, Harold Miner, Malik Sealy, and Randy Woods all have in common? They were all taken waaaaayyyyy ahead of Latrell Sprewell in 1992 (Spree was 24th that year to Golden State.) They also never tried to choke P.J Carlisemo.

6: The inverse five-and-ten rule is also in effect: Extra credit given for finding a Sprewell or getting a quality player in later rounds or mediocre talent pools.

7: Injury considerations are not going to factor in UNLESS the drafted player had a history of injury in college (I'm looking at you, Sam Bowie and Justin Harrell.)

Here we go: 2005 Green Bay Packers Draft:

Rnd. 1 (#24): Aaron Rodgers. Next QB taken: Jason Campbell (WAS #25) I remember watching him fall down the draft board and being pleasantly-not-too-surprised when Pack picked him up. Favre had just begun his offseason should-I-stay-or-should-I-go routine. Why not? I thought.

Rnd 2 (#51): Nick Collins. Next DB taken: Darrent Williams (DEN #56) This pick was acquired with QB JT O'Sullivan for Mike McKenzie and a 6th round pick. Small school, lots of enthusiasm about the pick from Packer brass no doubt due to it being the salve for the Mike McKenzie contract sideshow early that season. The Pack also had to smooth some hard feelings from Leroy Butler about giving Collins his old #36 jersey (the number, not the actual jersey.) Haven't heard a peep out of Butler (which is saying something!) on that matter in recent years.

Rnd. 2 (#58): Terrence Murphy (WR) Next WR taken: Vincent Jackson (SD #61) Rule #7 comes into play here, as Murphy suffered a career ending injury in the third game of his rookie season.

Rnd. 3 (#89): Traded to Carolina for two fourth rounders (#115 Marviel Underwood, and #126, which ended up going to the Eagles in another trade-down for irrelevant personnel.) The Eagles selected Atiyyah Ellison, who never played an NFL game and may actually be a fictitious name.

This was also a hot-potato pick, going through five teams and transactions that included Gerald Warren, Trent Dilfer and Lofa Tatupu. Ten-slot check: No pro-bowlers, but several active players and starters in the mix, most notably Adam Snyder (PIT) and LeRoy Hill (SEA).

Other Packer draftees of note from 2005: LB Brady Poppinga (4th, #125) and DL Mike Montgomery (6th, #180.)

An outstanding draft in the first two rounds, with some serviceable NFL talent in later rounds. This was the year of the consecutive trade downs, a hallmark of the Ted Thompson era that really didn't net much in this case. An excellent, but not outstanding draft.

Sadly, no surprise

From The Desk of Inevitable Stories, Steven Strasburg, pitching phenom and single-handed savior of the Nationals (or, as they like to be known, the "Natinals") has a tear in the ligament of his elbow. First, can I just say, OWOWOWOW. I'm no weenie (wait...yes I am. I totally am.), but that sounds rather painful. I guess he's going to need Tommy John surgery (okay, showing my panties here, but what the heck is Tommy John surgery? How many times did Tommy need that surgery for it to be named after him?), which means he's now out of commission. Not that Nationals had any delusions of grandeur this year, but for DC, Maryland and most of Virginia, Strasburg was the first real hope for a bright baseball future in a long time. I'm sure he'll heal, but will he ever be the same? And will he be able to keep healthy in the future. Looking in my crystal ball, I'm sad to say, doesn't look good.

In other news, why the heck am I writing about baseball? I don't like baseball. We're not even supposed to be covering baseball. I'm going to claim alien abduction. It's the only explanation that makes sense.

CBS announces NFL broadcast teams

In an announcement eagerly awaited by literally hundreds of people, CBS announced its NFL broadcast teams today. They are in descending order: Jim Nantz-Phil Simms; Greg Gumbel-Dan Dierdorf; Ian Eagle-Dan Fouts; Kevin Harlan-Solomon Wilcots; Gus Johnson-Steve Tasker; Bob Macatee-Rich Gannon; Don Criqui-Steve Beuerlein; and Spero Dedes-Randy Cross.

For some reason I associate Don Criqui with golf, (although considering how much golf I've watched, he may have broadcast all of three tournaments) and it always give me pause when I hear him doing football. I'm sure Spero Dedes will have a great time with Randy Cross (going for that coveted number seven slot next year!) as Cross is also a starter on my all-Let-Me-Tell-You-How-Great-My-Career-Was broadcaster team. If you happen to hear Dedes and Cross more than once this season, plan on watching the first hour of the draft next April.

Cardinals - Titans, MNF

Just a couple thoughts watching this game. One, when did the Cardinals raid the Jets secondary? Two, If you had Larry Fitzgerald penciled in for the first two rounds of your fantasy draft, you might want to reconsider. Matt Leinart is looking like the second coming of Curtis Painter right now. Three, Vince Young might want to take a lesson from Tim Tebow and avoid pre-season goal-line contact. And four, why do they insist on making us watch four weeks of these miserable things? Seriously, September can't get here fast enough.

Packers-Seahawks 8-21-10

It was an inauspicious start for the Packer-Seahawks game as the tones of Curt Menafee and Warren Moon filtered out of the television. I feared the worst after being subjected to a winter of the NBA's local broadcast "talent" courtesy of DirecTV's League Pass package, . Thankfully, the M&M boys were competent at the very least, and Warren Moon's dead time filler was not strewn with "Cool Things I did in my Career" stories.

The Packers' kickoff coverage units did nothing to inspire confidence, although the company line was that Coach McCarthy was 'experimenting with different combinations of personnel,' apparently in an effort to find who NOT to put on the field. By this measure, the experiment was a resounding success.

One thing that should be made clear in preseason: IF YOU ARE ON THE FIELD IN THE SECOND HALF OF A PRE-FIRST-CUT PRESEASON GAME, YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS TAUNTING, TALKING TRASH, OR OTHERWISE DEMONSTRATING AFTER MAKING A ROUTINE PLAY AGAINST THE OTHER TEAM'S SECOND, THIRD, OR FOURTH STRING PLAYERS. There, I feel better now.

Back to the Packers, Sam Shields earned a "CUT HIS ASS!!!!" outburst from the room (I was the only one in the room) after his idiocy on a kickoff 'return' (he never actually got to return the ball, as he was watching it hit the ground and bounce a few times, but they call it a 'return' anyway). Later, he gets a Larry-Brown-Super-Bowl-XXX interception, which means we'll be subjected to Mr. August for another few weeks.

Jarrett Bush is definitely in mid-season form (multiple defensive penalties, and a handful of Ahmad Carroll-esque defensive plays) and Quinn Porter is a finalist in the JAG sweepstakes. Derrick Martin: Rent, don't buy.

Warren Moon just proclaimed that Graham Harrell is winning the battle for the 3rd quarterback slot although it is unclear who he is battling. It certainly isn't another quarterback. Speaking of Harrell, he wins the worst-fitting-jersey award for the evening. I think they gave him one of Justin Harrell's unis (who thought he'd be using it?) and just changed the number.

Quinn Johnson still can't catch, John Kuhn looks better at tailback than Quinn Porter, and do we have any running backs who can actually elude or run away from a defender? I still don't know which is the Austrailian punter, but I do know that Seahawks GM John Schneider sends Ted Thompson a basket of fruit every week for cutting Jon Ryan.

Next up: The Colts! Get your Curtis Painter jerseys now!


AB 8-23-10