Lessons Learned In Week 12

Prior to the start of the season I made the following statements in a Facebook comment:

“How can the Denver Broncos, with a 17-member running back by committee rushing attack, no pass rush for the first six weeks, and a defensive backfield older than Methuselah, be considered serious Super Bowl contenders?”

...and...

“The AFC team we should be talking about is the Houston Texans. They have a suffocating defense, brilliant running game, one of the best receivers in football, and the Ravens and Buccaneers have proven you can win the Super Bowl with two of those things and a mediocre quarterback.”

Oops. That’s the last time I make comments on Facebook.

….

Anyone seen the Green Bay defense? Anyone? Bueller?

Is it just me, or does no one actually want to win the NFC North?

Seriously Houston, even the 0-16 Lions looked better than you look right now.

Colin Kapernick decided to grace us with his presence Monday night in Washington. Apparently he also stashed RG3 in whatever cave he was previously hiding in.

Please oh please oh please tell me that was the Saints team that plans to show up in Seattle next Monday night.

Ladies and gentlemen, this week’s inductee into the Calvin Johnson Imitators Club, Josh Gordon. Congratulations Josh, your awesomeness has likely won you four more years in Cleveland. Perhaps “won” is the wrong word.

Where did those Cardinals come from?

Where did the Colts go?

Geno Smith is doing absolutely nothing to make Jets fans forget about Mark Sanchez, is he.

Tom Brady loves him some Wes Welker. Probably for differently reasons now than he used to.

Peyton Manning hates him some Wes Welker. Did you see his face on the sideline after that punt debacle? Welker better hope Manning has a really short memory.

Lessons Learned in Week 10

Congratulations to the 2008 Detroit Lions! The record of your historic ineptitude remains intact for one more season. Pop some champagne.

Is it me, or are the Rams better without Sam Bradford?

Who kidnapped Colin Kapernick? Maybe Jim Harbaugh should just pay the ransom to get him back.

If the Eagles could play every game on the road against something called a Scott Tolzien, they might actually have a chance. 

Seriously, what are we supposed to make of the NFC East? The first place team is at best, mediocre, getting lit up for 600 yards and 40 first downs Sunday night. The second place team can only win on the road. The third place team—arguably the team playing the best football of the four—loses to a team previously winless in the continental United States. And the fourth place team—the team that started 0-6—is only two games out of first place?

The Bengals fight back to tie the game on a last second twice-tipped Hail Mary in the end zone, only to lose the game on a field goal in overtime. Those are the Bengals we know and love.

Even hobbled by what turns out to be a high ankle sprain the Peyton-droid hung four touchdowns on the Chargers Sunday afternoon. The Chiefs better hope he doesn’t also remember Wes Welker still plays for him.

Note to Case Keenum: There’s nothing in the rule book requiring you to attempt a 40-yard gain on every 

passing play. A little bit of patience could have made you a winner.

Lions sweep the season series from the Bears. Felines defeat canines. My dogs disapprove.

Lessons Learned in Week 9

The November unemployment numbers were increased by two over the weekend. Michael Vick and Matt Schaub picked up their SNAP cards Monday morning.

What is a Case Keenum? And why do I have to ask this question about somebody new every single week? Is it too much to ask for a little consistency at the quarterback position?

Nick Foles = Peyton Manning. Get him while he’s hot.

Bad week to be a coach. Bad day to be a Packers fan.

Will the real New York Jets please stand up?

The Chiefs are the phoniest 9-0 team in the history of 9-0 teams? When they beat somebody with a winning record (and I’m not talking about squeaking past the Cowboys in Week 2), then we can talk about respecting their record.

Tom Brady loves him some Gronk. And some Amendola. And some Aaron Dobson. And some Kenbrell Thompkins. There’s a lot of love going around in New England right now.

While Optimus took the week off, Andre Johnson and T.Y.  Hilton duked it out for the moniker of Rodimus Prime. (Old School reference, you might have to look it up.)

Who resurrected Jason Campbell? And why didn’t that happen sooner?

Note to the Seattle Seahawks; it’s easier to win games if you bother to show up BEFORE halftime. It would also make my Sundays less angst-ridden and more enjoyable.

When did the Atlanta Falcons become the Jacksonville Jaguars? They are depressingly terrible. They’re like the Bucs, only with players people recognize.

And speaking of terrible, enough with the Thursday Night Football already! The teams are tired, the games are awful, and, it’s on Thursday night, which is stupid. Football is for Sunday, and Monday, and Saturday during the playoffs. Please, leave Thursday night for other things.