As broadcasters retool the English language whilst describing a skinny post or cross body block, other bits of verbage are presented as accepted football metaphor. We are not talking about John Madden's flights of onomatopoetic fancy but instead the sly phrase casually snuck into game commentary that seemingly indicates an "insider's" perspective. Meanings are often not readily apparent and at times seem counterintuitve and euphemistic. If the preceding was hard to read, imagine what it's like to listen to.
The following are actual game-spoken terms and phrases from NFL broadcast professionals:
"He's got game speed" Translation = Slow. This is usually reserved for players with other marketable talents who don't have a good 40 time. Fast runners with marginal football skills stand a better chance at making a roster than the other way around.
"Possession Receiver" Slow with good hands. This usually applies to assignment-sure route runners who can catch but can't run away from anyone, including the back judge. Really, isn't any receiving job by definition about possession? If your team's best wideout carries the "possession receiver" label, feel free to make vacation plans during the playoffs.
"You know what he is? A football player" Slow, and devoid of any other measurables that separate him from the pack but still manages to make a roster. Usually applied to to effort-and-heart type players, "throwback" players, (coming up shortly) and undersized personnel. Also used with the terms "intangibles" and "moxie".
"Student of the game" This can go two ways- 1) Smart, but not a great player/athlete. OR 2) A superlative piled on after having run out of other descriptors. "That Peyton Manning is such a student of the game."
"Can stretch the field" Fast, but can't catch. Often found on the Raiders' roster.
"Throwback" 1) High threshold of pain. OR 2) Physical bordering-on-dirty player.
"H-Back" An undersized tight end who lines up in unusual places. A classic example of a 'tweener' who's neither good enough to be a starting tight end or fullback.
"An excellent blocking tight end" A tight end who can't catch.
"An excellent receiving tight end" Tight end sized, but can't block and too slow to be a wideout.
"Kickoff specialist" Strong leg with poor accuracy.
"Prototypical Size for a (insert position here)" Underachiever. Often found on the Raiders roster.
"Speed Merchant" Limited receiving skills and/or marginal route runner. Often found on the Raiders roster.
"Solid Technician" No athletic skills. Also shows up as "knows every trick in the book," and is frequently heard when referring to aging offensive lineman.
You're hilarious. I am quite impressed with your use of onomatopoetic. Also, I like explanation of "student of the game". I never realized how many euphemisms broadcasters use to explain how badly the Raiders suck.
ReplyDeleteHelp us understand head coach euphemisms - as in things broadcasters say about newly hired coaches and those who should be newly hired elsewhere and the polite things said about those who recently left a losing program (and it was totally their fault but nobody wants to say so).
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